It’s A – Comin’

Duke,

Here is my critique, overall I really like it!

There was a great opening scene in this story which involved one of the potential main character’s death. It immediately roped me in and gave me a sense as to where the story was going. There did not seem to be a lot of unnecessary things at this stage. At the end of the first chapter there would seem to be two leads, Jacob and Daisy. Both of them fit in with the setting both in terms of their employment and speaking inflection.

The tone seems to fluctuate between lusty and depressed early on, and while later this might work I think at this stage you want a clear depressed tone; the husband just dies now isn’t the time to go into his wife’s assets. The narrator’s appreciation for her form can come in later.

The unknown narrator works. The word choice is spot on for the story. Scenes work well, I’d say don’t force a segue when you just break the chapter off and start a new one.

I definitely get the sense act one is over; it’s time for Jacob to find a job and Daisy to avenge her husband without law enforcement to help.

Don, SMU English major, Dallas, Texas

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