I provided another copy to Ed, an elderly retired neighbor. Ed got a thrill out of reading it and stayed up most of the night for the read. He then went through it all making changes and comments. He prefers short choppy sentences. He wanted to change the stare of the snake’s eyes to Caleb instead of the heat supply. He was not familiar with the old novel, The Last of the Mohicans. Also Ed wanted to put in sentences with colons and semicolons which are not compatible with fast paced commercial fiction.
My response to his comments:
My research shows that snakes see prey only in terms of the degree of heat from parts of a body so that will remain. The Last of the Mohicans was a favorite book of mine from childhood and remains so. The use of semicolons and colons should be minimal on commercial fiction. I thought the quoted part was very appropriate for this book for obvious reasons. I was delighted that he enjoyed it so very much that he lost sleep over it. He spent a great deal of time in his review of it and it is very detailed. His responses reveal that an older reader is very interested in a complex topic that has a lot of spark.
==Richard Milleville, a/k/a Duke
Comment on novel to be published on Kindle