It’s A – Comin’


Here is my critique, overall I really like it!

There was a great opening scene in this story which involved one of the potential main character’s death. It immediately roped me in and gave me a sense as to where the story was going. There did not seem to be a lot of unnecessary things at this stage. At the end of the first chapter there would seem to be two leads, Jacob and Daisy. Both of them fit in with the setting both in terms of their employment and speaking inflection.

The tone seems to fluctuate between lusty and depressed early on, and while later this might work I think at this stage you want a clear depressed tone; the husband just dies now isn’t the time to go into his wife’s assets. The narrator’s appreciation for her form can come in later.

The unknown narrator works. The word choice is spot on for the story. Scenes work well, I’d say don’t force a segue when you just break the chapter off and start a new one.

I definitely get the sense act one is over; it’s time for Jacob to find a job and Daisy to avenge her husband without law enforcement to help.

Don, SMU English major, Dallas, Texas

“Successful writers are not the ones who write the best sentences. They are the ones who keep writing. They are the ones who discover what is most important and strangest and most pleasurable in themselves and keep believing in the value of their work despite the difficulties.”

–Bonnie Friedman

Hope in a Haze

Is hope a butterfly that leaves on the next gust of wind, or a concrete thought carefully wrapped in tape?
It could be good thoughts for a friends, family or loves, or just concerns about their fate.
Regardless if it moves or stays; it lasts for a lifetime in the haze.

–Richard Milleville

A Complete Stranger

“Happiness is talking to a complete stranger; to tell them that he is not the Lone Ranger.
He smiles when told the work he done should be admired; he must have been inspired.
He should get a raise; or at least some noteworthy praise.
That smile will stay for the rest of the day; or until he gets his pay.”

–Richard Milleville

Good Vibrations

“Happiness is waking up to sunshine, birds are singing, cactus flowers are blooming, the smell of hot coffee, and good vibrations; an incurable disease has been cured, we all will have a better quality of life, a friend or relative has a new birth or accomplishment, and there is peace among the nations.”

–Richard Milleville, Dukes Quotes

The Best Word

The best word to describe The Passionate Novel would be; impassioned, fervent, ardent, emotional,earnest, intense, fiery, fierce, furious, furious, raging, tempestuous, excited, wrought-up, inflamed, feeling, heartfelt, enthusiastic, hot, heated, vehement, intoxicating, ecstatic, loving, amorous, desirous, lustful, sensuous, carnal, erotic, and just plain sexy. Yes, words can describe this story of passion.

–Richard Milleville, The Passionate Novel